Rinse
by my fragile trust
Summary: Suddenly, I am staring into the eyes of my past and without warning, I am swept away, into a past that I have tried so hard to suppress, to forget…" Rory had loved and lost. She thought her heart had let go...but has it really? Trory.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to the WB and are the property of the WB television series, _Gilmore Girls_, which is owned by Amy Sherman Palladino and other affiliates. 

A/N: I'd like to say that this story has been inspired by the song _Rinse_, by Vanessa Carlton. I would also like to give thanks to my beta, my girl Priya! (indianspice) Thank you so much for your wonderful support! 

Rinse

  
Prologue  
  
_She must rinse this all away,  
She can't hold him this way,  
She must rinse this all away,  
She can't love him this way._  
  
"Jess, would you turn that crap off already!" I shout irritably from the upstairs entrance of the basement. Immediately, a dark head peeks around the corner of the stairs, staring upwards with an innocent grin upon his lips. He slowly ascends the wooden stairs, each step creaking noisily under the weight of his feet. As he reaches the top step he halts his climb, now level with my head, gazing intensely into my blue eyes. He leans forward, bringing his lips closely to mine, mere inches of heated air separating us. I suddenly intake a deep breath, followed by a short pause, and his grin gradually widens in jubilance. Without hesitation he brings his face to mine, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.  
  
"I love you, Rory." The sentence, though spoken simply, in a monotone voice and under even more monotonous circumstances, is the basis of our successfully happy relationship. His grin does not hide the passion evident in his eyes as he speaks these words, and in reply I give him a soft, honest smile.  
  
"And I love you." I pause for a beat. "But, you still have to turn down that music." Silence falls upon us as we grin at each other playfully, ready to begin bantering our cases, but are suddenly interrupted by the shrill screech of the smoke detector. Rather than move at the menacing sound, Jess begins to sniff the air, seeming to have undergone this exercise numerous times before. Jess looks to Rory in curiosity.  
  
"Did you forget the oven again?" he asks giving me an accusing look. I weakly smile before scurrying into the kitchen, leaving him to the smoke detector. I come upon the oven; its edges seeping a thick black smoke and an opaque black film from an unknown substance has covered its little window. I let out a shriek, howling for Jess to come help, thinking that the turkey had exploded during my absence. At the sound of a loud thud the smoke detector abruptly stops, and I assume he has once again smashed the thing to pieces. His form quickly appears in the kitchen.  
  
"Holy shit!" he exclaims upon seeing me frozen before an oven that is obviously on the verge of catching fire. He instantly reaches out, heroically shoving me away from the oven, and in a few swift movements the oven is open and the scorched turkey in the sink. Slowly, he turns around, leaning against the counter, facing me with an exasperated sigh of relief.   
  
"That was closer than the last time, you know," he explains, his voice nonchalant, but his eyes betraying him with a look of tender concern as his gaze fixates itself on my eyes. I take a few steps towards him, closing the small gap between us. Silently, I loop my arms around his waist, giving him a tight squeeze of reassurance.  
  
"It's okay Jess. I'm okay- the house is okay. Everything's okay. Well, that is, except for the turkey." I gaze down at its charred body and sigh sadly. "I'm sorry. I've ruined another Thanksgiving for us." Jess suddenly lets out a short laugh.

  
"No, Rory, you didn't ruin anything. You know that we'll have plenty of turkey at your grandmother's house, and at your mother's house. We already get to enjoy two Thanksgivings; we don't need a third. Okay? So don't worry about it. I still love you, but I'm not quite sure if the turkey does." I, too, chuckle briefly, thankful, for what could be the millionth time since I have known him that he is here. Without a word he pulls away from my arms and walks towards the hall; therefore, I assume he is planning to actually fix the smoke detector.  
  
I gaze down at the turkey, observing in sadness its blackened features. The wind outside begins to whip against the kitchen window, howling as it normally does in the pre-Winter season of Connecticut.   
  
All of a sudden, a deep sinking feeling comes over me, settling in the pit of my stomach. A flash-a past event winks from my memory, sending deep shivers down my spine. This has happened to me before, I think to myself as the visions of a previous Thanksgiving replay in my mind. A sudden hallucination of two creamy hands are spinning me around the kitchen in a private dance of joy and love. A thick lump instantly forms in the base of my throat and I swallow as a shot of pain rips through my chest. I wince at the fierce feeling.  
  
  
"You're remembering again, aren't you." It was a statement, not a question.  
  
Instantly, I am ripped from my thoughts by the all too familiar voice. Jess' voice, the voice that reminds me that reality is my place-that I cannot relive a dream-life that is to never be. I look to him, tears instantly springing to my eyes, and for once, I let them fall freely, unable to hide their presence any longer. He is instantly at my side, his arms wrapped lovingly around me, his hands gently stroking my hair. I look down at his strong, tan arms, and suddenly, the tan melts away and is replaced with a creamy white. I look up, and his dark eyes slowly transform into a bright blue, his brown hair, changing into a halo of soft blonde. Suddenly, I am staring into the eyes of my past and without warning, I am swept away, into a past that I have tried so hard to suppress, to forget…


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: On first chapter.

A/N: This is the official first chapter. The previous "chapter" was the prologue, if the label went unnoticed by any chance. Again, I would like to thank Priya (Indianspice), for being my beta. I would also like to thank all those who have left reviews for this story, they have all been wonderful and greatly appreciated. Enjoy! =)

Rinse

Chapter One

His hand was slowly creeping along the inner skin of my thigh, gently massaging it with the tips of his fingers in tiny circular motions. It tickled but the sensation of his warmth so close to me overwhelmed my senses and I let his hands roam freely. His hand continued on in an upward path, his caress casually becoming tenser with urgency. I could feel myself falling into a sort of spell, where my judgment eventually disappeared, controlled by the thrall of his alluring presence. Reality began to slip away as my attention focused strictly on the sensation of his experienced hands touching me. The intimacy of his touch was so intoxicating I felt a deep shudder run through me and I knew if his hand went any further there would be no turning back. 

"So, Tristan it's been nearly four years since I last saw you and if I am not mistaken your date tonight is the same young lady as at our prior rendezvous?" 

I suddenly jumped at the sound of the voice. I was immediately ripped from the fantasy and my leg jerked from his hand, accidentally banging against the bottom of table and causing our glasses to rattle loudly. An embarrassed blush instantly crept up my ears and I weakly smiled to the lot of adults surrounding our table. Tristan's hand had retreated to his lap, and I couldn't help but stare at it as if it were an ingenious tool. _His hands are amazing, _I thought to myself but my meditation was interrupted by his smooth melodious voice resonating not far from my ear. 

"You are entirely correct Mr. Townsend. Her name is Lorelei Gilmore, and yes, she is the same woman as before." Tristan's steady blue gaze locked on me for a brief moment. My blush unintentionally darkened from the sudden fiery rush of sitting so close to him. 

"It's nice to meet you. Please, call me Rory, it's what everyone calls me," I said with polite ease, having been to more dinner parties than could be counted on fingers and toes combined. Tristan had always been invited to grand dinner parties and the occasional ball, to which as an eligible bachelor he was expected to eventually find a young woman that suited him. Instead, Tristan would always ask me to accompany him to these gatherings as his plutonic date. He always claimed that he needed my company in order to keep sane; otherwise, it would drive him "stark mad" having to socialize with stuffy, upper-class adults whose chief goal for the night was attempting to persuade him to share the secrets of the DuGrey family's success. 

Never before, though, had Tristan made such advances on me as he had thus far tonight. Normally, he and I would flirtatiously banter amongst each other, an occasional lingering touch here and there, nothing more. But lately, more specifically in the past couple of weeks it had become more serious. Often, I'd acquire this prickling feeling on the back of my neck, and I'd turn to catch him staring at me intensely, eyes filled with longing and something else I could not quite distinguish. It was at these times that my heart would suddenly leap in my chest and beat so hard that I would feel it pulse through my entire body as a reminder of the affect a simple glance at him had upon me. I felt like a hopeless schoolgirl, losing grip on reality because of some guy's interest in me. But this was not some guy-this was Tristan. My guy, my best friend. He and I would never let our feelings for each other go beyond that of friends, yet why did he always have this affect on me? Why did his eyes always seem so intense and filled with emotion whenever he looked at me? 

I looked to Tristan and our eyes immediately met, blue meeting blue, and we came to an instant understanding. We quickly finished our dinners, making the excuse that we were meeting my grandparents to make some pre-Thanksgiving arrangements. Upon reaching the car, Tristan began to chuckle lightly to himself and I looked to him curiously. We both piled in, shaking off the bitter cold with a fresh blast of heat. I gave him another inquiring look when he started to chuckle again.

"What?" I asked him accusingly. The grin on his face was too mysterious to be at all innocent. 

"What what?" he replied not looking at me. He slowly pulled out of the classy restaurant's parking lot, slightly nodding to the gate security guard as he let us pass.

"Don't play innocent with me, Tristan. What's with the chuckling?"

"I almost had you in there, Mary," he said smoothly, smirking to himself. I gaped at him in astonishment, unable to fully believe that there was a possiblity the entire leg incident had been an evil plot. He laughed mercilessly upon heeding my reaction to his comment, and his laughter did not entirely die until we were nearly half of the way to his apartment. By that time I was thoroughly annoyed.

"Oh come on Mary, can't you laugh a little? You didn't think it was at all funny?" he asked me with a giant grin and a twinkle in his eyes. I gave him a sharp look, then turned back to the window in silence. 

"Rory…" he began in an exasperated tone, but I instantly cut him off.

"Why would you do such a thing, Tristan? I had no idea it was a joke, I mean it sure as hell didn't feel like it was…" my voice began to trail off as I contemplated a way to explain it to him without him thinking I was getting too emotional. "All I'm saying is that as friends we shouldn't really be doing that and the fact that you were made me question your motives-if maybe there was another reason you would attempt to feel me up in the middle of a dinner party." 

The smirk slowly faded from his lips and his brows furrowed in thought. I gazed at him intensely, trying to read his every emotion wholly from his facial expressions. His entire body became tense, and his face showed that of determination and thoughtfulness all in one. Suddenly, his blue eyes dimmed, and a piercing pain ripped through my gut. I was watching him close off from me. He had done it before, as a way of protecting himself, and despite the fact that he knew I did not like it he would do it anyway, convincing himself that my not knowing would be for the better of both of us. Not knowing hurt so much, and I wasn't about to let him do it to me again.

I gently laid a hand on his strong shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze of reassurance. His gaze instantly snapped to me, as if remembering I was there. His eyes softened again and their usual glitter returned.

"Sorry Rory, you know how I am. I get carried away," he explained nonchalantly. Sighing to myself, I knew his evasion was his way of expressing that he wasn't ready to talk about anything yet. With some difficulty, I forced a quick smile before returning my attention to the window and the passing scenery.

The world outside the car had suddenly grown colder and I felt myself shiver, starting from the inside and moving out. It was strange being in the same car as him, yet all of a sudden, feeling so empty. Normally, I felt unusually "full" when I was around him. My heart would always beat faster and harder and I would feel myself smiling more often. But now a rigid emptiness took hold of me and I felt my mind begin to wander into the dark forest that we were driving through. 

Connecticut at this time of the year was very cold; the temperature almost constantly hovering above the freezing mark and the threat of flooding snow was always an advisory. As I gazed out the window, I noticed in the dim light of our headlights that all the trees were bare-naked. I suddenly felt like a tree, cold, naked for all eyes to see. My life suddenly seemed to be spinning out of control; I couldn't understand these painful feelings that started to tear through me. They were all so jumbled together. 

I hated when this happened, when I suddenly felt like the world was against me all because of something he said or did, or didn't do. Most of the time he never did it on purpose, it was just my own insecurities taking control of my brain. _Stop being so paranoid Rory,_ I was silently crying out at myself_. You are nothing like a tree for goodness sake. _

Before I knew it the row of trees had ended and we were pulling into the parking lot of the Starbucks across from Tristan's apartment complex. I gazed at the brightly-lit sign that read, "Open Till Midnight" and I suddenly came to life, realizing that coffee was waiting. I turned to Tristan, shortly catching his eye before he turned the car off and started to climb out. I knew what that gaze meant; he was making up for earlier. I sighed as I climbed out of the car, internally badgering myself of how it had been stupid of me to get so upset over our short confrontation. _It was nothing,_ I reprimanded to myself one last time, but my stomach instantly knotted. In my head I quickly came up with the excuse that it was my stomach's reaction to the wafting aroma of coffee as I entered the building. 

We took a table in a corner away from the cold windows in an attempt to get cozy in the deserted restaurant. In minutes a steaming cup of black coffee was set in front of me and I greedily wrapped my fingers around the large round mug. I took a big gulp, not actually feeling the scorching heat as it slipped down my throat. I saw Tristan wince as he watched me from the corner of his eye.

"I thought you would get used to that after all these years, yet you still squirm every time you see me drink coffee," I said with a short shake of my head in feigned disappointment. He gave me a queer look.

"Rory, it's not the fact that you're drinking coffee. It's how you practically inhale it. I don't understand why I'm the one wincing when you're the one gulping down a scolding cup of liquid," he explained with a smug smirk on his lips. I frowned at it and it merely widened in return. That smirk simply infuriated me sometimes.

"I would think that you of all people would know that my drinking habits are as they are and in no position to ever change," I stated to him with a firm nod. I instantly took another gulp, taking satisfaction when he rolled his blue eyes.

We suddenly grew silent, monotonously raising our mugs to our lips until there was nothing left to sip. In silence we got up from our table and walked out into the biting cold. Both of us climbed into the car, and Tristan instantly pulled out of the parking lot and drove the short distance across the street to his apartment complex's parking lot. 

"You can stay here tonight. It's getting late and I'm too lazy to drive six miles all the way to your dorm," he said as he languidly stepped out of the car. I followed suit, not thinking much of staying the night in his apartment, since I had done it so many times before.

I walked a step behind him as we sauntered towards the elevator, attempting to collect my thoughts. This had been a strange night so far and all I was looking forward to was a nice warm bed. I suddenly remembered the neglected guestroom in Tristan's apartment, and my back cringed. My back didn't like the feel of that hard mattress very much and all of a sudden I longed for my cozy home back in Stars Hollow. How I missed my mother.

The elevator stopped on the top floor and we stepped out in unison. He swiftly unlocked the door to his apartment and once we entered he quietly closed it behind us. Completely comfortable with my familiar surroundings, I took no time in making myself comfortable on his large leather couch, where I buried myself amongst its many pillows. I sighed as I let my drooping eyelids close.

I could hear him moving about the apartment in a routine manner. I heard the soft crunching of his leather coat being hung on the hook, the trivial beat of his polished black shoes tapping across the wooden floor, the gentle scrape of his body leaning over the back of the couch as he gazed at me while I "slept". I lazily peaked my eyes open and met sparkling ocean blue. Our eyes remained locked as he slowly bent down, his face nearing mine. My heart suddenly began to pound so hard I was sure he could hear it. His eyes never left mine as his face grew nearer; a foot away, eight inches, three…one…his lips delicately touched my forehead with a warmness that filled my heart so full it felt as if it would burst. I blinked as he drew back, my brain suddenly buzzing in a haze of wondrous excitement. 

"You're simply adorable Rory Gilmore," his voice spoke softly, its tone gently caressing my entire being. My heart was slowing as a calmness suddenly swept over me. I felt an uncontrollable smile form upon my lips as I tried to look less flustered by the simple act than I actually felt. _What is he doing to me!?_ I frantically questioned myself. My senses suddenly seemed to be incredibly heightened and my fingertips were actually tingling. _I've always noticed the physical reaction I have to him but I've never felt such an emotional pull towards him before. This is actually beginning to scare me…_

"Well, I'm going to hit the sack, I'm beat from those annoying old ladies poking at me all night." I suddenly snapped from my thoughts, realizing I hadn't said anything yet. I smiled brightly at him, pushing my thoughts aside.

"They were pretty annoying, but I think that one lady with the bald spot had the hots for you. She just couldn't keep her eyes off you all night," I stated with a smirk. 

"Oh, so that wasn't your foot rubbing against my thigh all through dinner?" he inquired humorously. My eyes widened a moment in disgust, which caused him to laugh out loud. At that I swatted him on the arm and I stood to my feet. I trudged my way around the couch and started towards the guestroom. Just as I was reaching the door, Tristan suddenly came up behind me and gave me a poke in the side, causing me to jump nearly two feet in the air. He began to laugh hysterically.

"Oh no you didn't!" I exclaimed with a hop. "Fine, this is war!" Instantly, I was in pursuit of him. He ran to the other side of the couch, stopped, and wiggled his pointer finger, signaling for me to come at him. I did just that, but ironic as it was he seemed to have not foreseen my leap over the couch maneuver, and he was instantly down in a heap of giggles. 

"Yeah, that's right! I thought so boy! You can't expect to get away with poking Rory Gilmore and not have revenge wreaked upon you," I explained with a cackle. Just then I realized the straddling position my legs were in around his torso and I instantly stopped tickling him. He too seemed to realize it, and I could see his ears begin to redden. We both awkwardly cleared our throats aloud as we untangled ourselves from each other. I stood abruptly, nonchalantly straightening my hair and squaring my shoulders. 

"Well…goodnight, Rory," he slowly said as he took hesitant steps towards his bedroom door. My voice suddenly seemed to catch in my throat and could simply nod in answer. He then quickly walked to his room, closing it behind with a swift, but quiet, jerk. I stared at the closed door for a moment as I waited for my pounding heart to settle. Finally, my composure returned and I made my way into the guestroom.

After gently closing the door behind me, I leaned my back against it, taking deep, shuddering breaths. For the second time that night, my heart betrayed my mind as it danced to a rhythm all too familiar, but never once had it danced that way for Tristan. I took a minute to shake off the shivers running down my spine, and then I pried myself from the door and crashed upon my bed, simply exhausted. I began to think about the events of the past couple of weeks. 

Of late, we had been spending an excessive amount of time together, largely in part due to the approaching holidays, which contained the traditional weekly dinners and dances. For three years now, currently the fourth, I had been his guest for all the holidays, attending all the formal and informal functions along with him. As his best friend, I was glad to. 

Last year, I went to his family's Christmas dinner and ball. When we had entered the grand home, at first I was taken aback by the awing beauty of the mansion, but I was eventually preoccupied with the numerous stares I was receiving from a few of Tristan's cousins, all of them male. Tristan told me to pay them no mind, that they would not approach me as long as I was with him, and so I stayed by his side the entire night. During dinner, his mother had questioned me a surprising amount. She continuously asked me of my childhood, my schooling, and of course, my plans for the future. When I told her about my mother, a look of pure disgust appeared in her expression, but she quickly wiped it away and smiled half-heartedly. From that moment on, I never liked Mrs. DuGrey. 

The party, overall, had been entertaining, but it wasn't until we left that the night really began. Before I knew it we were at a club, dancing, laughing and thoroughly enjoying our freedom. We were out late, and Tristan became so drunk I had to drive his car back to his place. After stumbling our way into his apartment and getting him situated in his bed where he immediately passed out, I too, realizing I had no way home, slept in the room next door to his. It was the first time I stayed the night at his house. Strangely enough, the next morning we both awoke and there was not one bit of awkwardness. He made breakfast; we ate, discussed the events of the previously night, and generally went about as if it were nothing at all for me to have stayed at his place. Sleeping over quickly became a routine for us.

And in the present, almost a whole year later, things were the same as that night; that was until a couple weeks ago when everything seemed to suddenly change. I was not quite sure what happened. I noticed that there was a new spark of life in his eyes every time I was with him. It was as if a hidden passion was being released. Tristan simply radiated when he entered a room; he never went unnoticed. At times, when his eyes would meet mine, I sensed that passion pouring out of him and into me. His eyes were sharing something personal with me, whether or not either of us realized it. This new and much more intimate connection between us was what had changed. At times the unaccustomed emotions frightened me, as most of the time I could not explain them. They left me confused, uncertain as to what my feelings had become.

The past couple of weeks I had felt like this. The change hadn't grown anymore; it even came about subtly, but the difference between before and now was so dramatic that it overwhelmed me.

Sometimes, I just wanted to kiss him.

This thought, this urge, scared me shitless. This was my best friend, Tristan DuGrey. I had known him for the past four years of my life, all through college, and we had remained strictly friends. Never had I felt more for the blonde than on a plutonic level. But now, I had begun to question how I felt about him, these questions my constant shadow. Only recently had I begun to understand the urges, yet the emotional torture I went through every time I was with him remained just as confusing. 

I sighed loudly, turning on my side to gaze at my clock. It read 12:16. _I would love some sleep. I do have classes later today, but my thoughts don't seem to want give me freedom_. Suddenly, I realized I was fully clothed, jacket and all. I quickly removed the jacket and classy dress, carelessly dropping them to the floor beside the bed. Getting under the covers, I covered my nearly naked body, shivering as an image of Tristan lying on his bed in the room next door suddenly flashed in my mind. I could feel my legs grow tense with urgency, but I suppressed the feeling. _No, Rory Gilmore, you have to figure out what's going on with you before you even think about giving into any urges_. This thought instantly became a rule in my mind, and I planted it there in bold, italicized, and underlined lettering. It suddenly hit me, though, that I was restraining myself from doing something I never thought I'd ever do, which was seeing Tristan as something more than "just a friend".

*****

Inside me, flames were burning in a fiery heat. The sweat poured from my body in cold streams, my muscles twitching uncontrollably, my breathing labored. Suddenly, I awoke.

I sat straight up in bed, the covers fell away from me, exposing my flushed bare skin. The dream, no, nightmare, had been so vivid, so disturbing, that I felt tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Yet, I couldn't remember the dream. It ended as quickly as it started, and I was thankful. Whatever the dream was it left me with a lump in my throat and a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. My heart seemed unable to slow, so I cautiously took in deep breaths.

A knock at my door startled me so badly I nearly jumped from my skin. Before I could respond, the door cracked open and Tristan's head poked in. 

"Oh shit!" he exclaimed as his head retreated to behind the door. I looked down at myself, realizing that I was wearing nothing but my bra and underwear, and I instantly pulled the covers over myself. 

"It's okay Tristan, you can come in," I said softly. For some reason, I felt entirely unashamed to have been seen in that state by Tristan. It seemed…natural. Tristan hesitantly entered the room, looking everywhere but at me. His face was deeply flushed and he ran a hand through his bed-tousled hair.

"I'm so sorry Rory, I didn't realize…" he let his voice trail off uncomfortably. A small smile formed on my lips as I watched his every move.

"It's alright. I don't mind if you see me like this." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I blinked in shock at my own words. His expression was much similar to mine, but on a more dramatic level. He stared at me, wide-eyed for a moment, before blushing deeply and averting his gaze to the wall. I cleared my throat loudly.

"What I mean is, we're friends. I'm comfortable around you." It was a weak attempt, but better than nothing. I silently scolded myself, for I had nearly broken my own rule._ No more slipups girl, he knows you better than anyone. He'd see right through you in a heartbeat, and you know you don't want him to see what you're really thinking. Do you?_ My mind berated itself with these thoughts. Such internal torment was going to kill me one day_. _I wondered what he was thinking.

"I was just going to tell you that I made breakfast for us if you would like to join me..." he again let his sentence trail off as he uncomfortably switched his weight from one foot to the other. I nodded and started to pull the covers away in order to get out of the bed, but he instantly threw his hands up.

"Stop! I mean, wait until I'm out of the room." He instantly scurried from the room, closing the door right behind him. I stared at the door for a moment, wondering why he would be so unnerved. I shrugged it off and quickly put the dress from the previous night back on. All of a sudden, I could smell bacon and I followed the wafting aroma into the kitchen. 

"Mmm, smells delicious," I commented. I snatched a piece of bacon and began munching on it. Instantly, I noticed his attire. 

"Okay, I don't get you. You practically freaked out when you saw me in my underwear but then you walk around in yours?" I asked pointing to his boxers. "I don't get you Tristan."

"You're not supposed to understand me. That's what makes me so intriguing, women flock to my mysteriousness," he replied with a smug smirk. I immediately threw my piece of bacon at him, hitting him square on the chest. It left a grease mark and I smiled in satisfaction.

"Oh, I see how it is. I tell the truth and I get my own food thrown back in my face. I've been greased!" A smirk appeared on my lips and I took another piece of bacon and began munching once again. 

"So, what's on our agenda for today? My brain is still in submission due to this horrible coffee hangover. You could've stopped me from drinking so late at night. You know what caffeine does to me." Suddenly, the memory of him grinding against me at that club a year ago came to mind and I could feel my insides clench. _He was drunk that night_, I reminded myself. 

"I could have, but you see, caffeinated Tristan is just so much more fun!" He gave me a peculiar look.

"Well, I may have been high on caffeine, but I still remember everything that happened last night. Our little tickle fight…" he let the sentence trail off and he merely smirked. I suddenly realized he had done it intentionally, and my first reaction, for once, was not that of disgust but of intrigue. A heat suddenly rose from within me and I could feel my face flush. The immediate want for him came so quickly I nearly lost control right there. He must have noticed the change in my demeanor because he placed his hand on my shoulder to keep me steady on my stool.

"Are you okay? You suddenly look as if you're going to pass out," he said, worry filling his voice. I couldn't think, all I could feel was the heat from his hand, and suddenly I wanted to feel his hands all over me. The connection of the simple touch was near bliss. His grip had become tense and he shook my shoulders.

"Rory! Jesus, you're scaring the hell out of me. Are you okay?" The concern in his voice snapped me from my trance. Guilt immediately washed over me in waves of despair and anxiety. I abruptly stood up, releasing myself from his touch and taking a couple steps back. I couldn't breathe- I needed air. Being in such close proximity of him had become too much, and I stumbled towards the balcony. 

I leaned against the railing, dropping my head in my hands, trying to rub it all away. _What the hell is happening to me? That simple touch just about sent me over the edge. If getting so close to him is going to do this to me every time, than what do I do? God, what in the freaking hell is going on with me!? _

He must have decided it best to leave me alone for a while, because he didn't follow me. He remained in the kitchen. I was thankful for that; being within twenty feet of him was beginning to be too much to handle. For some reason, my resolution from the night before was not capable of being put into action. Simply ignoring these feelings was not going to work, obviously. But what should I do about it? I couldn't deny them, yet I couldn't express them. I must learn to suppress this urge. Without warning, a new thought came to mind.

__

Why suppress the urge at all? Why not just give in?

I couldn't jeopardize an amazingly beautiful friendship of four years! He was my best friend in the whole world. Besides, he didn't feel the same way for me. Even if I did have feelings for him, they were not going to be returned, so why put everything on the line for nothing? 

That was what I was going to have to do. I was going to have to remind myself what he meant to me, as a friend, and what I meant to him, as a friend. Only as friends, because any more would never have worked. Friends stayed friends, and when the line was crossed, things ended up bad. Or so that was how things happened in the movies, and real life was much more confusing and complicated than the movies. So, that meant that definitely, he and I would never work out, right? 

*****

My breath suddenly became caught in my chest. I held it there for what seemed hours. The sudden rush of excitement and pure glee ripped through me, leaving me senseless. I didn't begin breathing again until I was in her arms.

"My baby!" my mom exclaimed jubilantly. She squeezed me so tight, I felt as though I would burst, but I clung back just as strongly. Tears were stinging my eyes as pure joy swelled within me. It seemed to have been so long since I was last with her like this.

"Oh Mom, I've missed you so much!" A low grunt was heard from behind and I suddenly remembered we were not alone. Slowly, I pried myself from my mother's death grip. I couldn't prevent the smile that beamed from ear to ear. I was looking at the one person who could make me happy simply by existing. I tore my gaze from her, placing it upon Tristan who stood before the front door, and the happiness that had been bestowed upon me since the moment we entered Stars Hollow suddenly dimmed. Tristan smiled warmly and stepped forward. My mom proceeded to brush his extended hand away and give him a giant hug. He looked surprised for a moment, but returned the gesture.

"I missed you too, Tristan. I hope you've kept Rory's witty banter as sharp as ever." He chuckled comically and released himself from her hold. The three of us walked into the living room, dropping our bags and coats along the way.

"Of course I have," he explained, sending me a wink. A shiver immediately coursed through me. Such a simple act, such a drastic reaction. I had to stop that from happening, somehow! A sudden thought came to my mind, _What if I can't stop it_? My thoughts, though, were interrupted.

"I had issues trying to find a turkey…" my mother explained out of nowhere. She looked to the ceiling guiltily and I eyed her suspiciously.

"What do you mean, you had 'issues'?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow. She shifted her weight uncomfortably.

"Well…I couldn't exactly, get one." I stared at her in bewilderment. 

"What?" Tristan asked, confused. She started to fidget under our inquiring gazes, and I immediately could tell that she did something to cause this problem.

"Mom…" I began firmly.

"Okay! Enough with the interrogation already!" she exclaimed in exasperation. I stared at her in disbelief, knowing all too well that neither of us was near the extent of an "interrogation". She continued. 

"Well, you see…it's like this. I get to Dosie's Market, right? And the first thing I notice is the incredibly long line for the checkout. I mean, this was one long line. It went all the way out the door. Seriously, it was longer than I had ever seen it before. Except for that one time when there was that snowstorm…" As she had begun to get off topic I cleared my throat loudly and motioned for her to continue with the point at hand.

"Oh right, as I was saying, I went to Dosie's to pick up a turkey. I go straight for the refrigerated turkey aisle-yes, yet again he had an entire aisle dedicated to the turkeys-and guess what I discovered when I got there? There was not a single turkey in sight. The place was dry of turkeys. Now believe me, I was in shock. I was outraged. I was ready to steal the big fat turkey lying shamelessly in Miss Patty's cart. I was that desperate. So, I immediately marched up to Taylor and gave him a piece of my mind. I asked him why there were no turkeys. He simply replied that he sold out and that I should have bought one sooner if I needed one. I said, as the only market in town that was currently supplying turkeys that he should have known to order more turkeys than he apparently had. And of course, he immediately took offense to that, explaining all the ratios and statistics that had told him precisely how many to buy and the fact that he sold out was completely unexpected which meant that in no way was he at fault for my predicament. I swear, right then and there I wanted to kill him. And this wasn't one of my everyday 'let's murder Taylor' fantasies. Oh no, this one was much more brutal. It was very vivid indeed. So, I was forced to leave the market, turkeyless. I swear, God could not have been more spiteful of me. As I was walking to Luke's, it seemed everybody was carrying a turkey. I was just so mad." 

She stopped her story there. I looked to Tristan, who must have had the same expression as me, that of complete awe. My mother had suddenly grown silent, off in her own world of deliberation. I sighed sadly.

"So, we don't have a turkey?" I asked looking for conformation. She looked up and nodded sadly. I suddenly felt bad for her. She went through so much to try and get that turkey. I walked over to her and gave a compassionate hug.

"Its okay Mom, we'll have turkey at Grandma's." I knew she wouldn't like the idea of being bested by her mother, but she had to except the situation nonetheless. She again nodded idly.

"I have an idea," Tristan said all of a sudden. We both turned to him in curiosity. "How about you and Lorelei head over to Luke's for some coffee and spend that time catching up while I run over to Hartford and discuss tomorrow night with my parents." My mother and I glanced at each other and delightful smiles instantly lit up our faces. We instantly jumped from the couch and grabbed him in a giant group hug. At first he resisted, but a smirk slowly formed on his lips.

"Oh yeah, I have two gorgeous women hanging all over me right now. So, this is what heaven is like!" he exclaimed. I instantly shoved him away, giving him a playful glare.

"In your dreams, DuGrey," I said sarcastically. 

"You know it, Gilmore," he replied as he walked past me towards the door. A chill went through me simply from the sound of those words coming from his mouth. As we left the house, I shrugged off the feeling the best I could.

By the time I was reaching for the door handle to Luke's Diner, I was feeling tiny tingles of excitement course through me. I hadn't seen Luke since last summer when I came back to Stars Hollow for the three-month break between semesters. 

It was during that summer that my mother and he finally realized their true feelings for each other. It was like witnessing a miracle come to life. That day was a beautiful day for the entire town. There was non-stop celebration all day and night and into the next day. Our simple little town went crazy over it. They had craved the union for so long that when it finally came, all the people nearly wept in joyous satisfaction upon observing the two lovebirds finally at peace with their inner desires. 

I gripped the handle and swung the door open only to run smack into a body that was leaving the diner. My mother, who was right behind me, smacked into me from behind, since she too was not paying attention. I looked to apologize and my eyes instantly grew wide.

"Jess!?" I exclaimed in complete awe. His eyes locked with mine in his usual intense gaze. 

"Holy shit, Rory!" he suddenly exclaimed and without thinking I grabbed his shoulders and embraced him tightly. It had been years since I'd last seen him. I immediately jumped into the questions.

"Where have you been? How long have you been here? How come you didn't ever call? I missed you so much!" All these poured from my mouth without a second thought. 

"Hold on there, Tiger. Let's actually get in the door before we go into the questions and answers," my mom said shoving us into the diner in a not-so-nice manner. _Wow, she must really want to see Luke_, I thought to myself as she stepped around me and went straight for the counter where Luke stood with a customer. I instantly turned to Jess who shook his head and motioned for us to sit before I asked him any more questions. We silently seated ourselves across from each other, and I couldn't help but give him a good long once over. He hadn't changed much, in appearance anyway, except that his hair looked newly cut and some whiskers were poking from his chin. 

"To answer your questions, I've been in Boston, just got here earlier today, life's been busy, and I missed you too." He smirked at me and I couldn't help but grin stupidly. I raised an inquiring brow at him. 

"Life's been busy? How so?" I asked him casually.

"Oh, I got a job up there as a carpenter about a year back. At first it was going to be a temporary situation, but I guess I sort of liked it so I stuck with it." Pure joy swelled in my chest and I instantly took his hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

"That's so great Jess. I'm really glad to see that you have found something you really enjoy. And to think that you were never really the settling down type." A sly smile escaped from my lips and he returned it with a sarcastic nod. 

"Yeah, who knew, huh. I haven't really 'settled down' as you put it. The lease on my apartment is up next June and I'm considering moving on to something new." Just then, my mom came up to the table, arm linked around Luke's. I instantly sprang up and into Luke's free arm, letting him lift me up off the floor like a little child. After much squealing and hugging, the excitement level dropped. Jess stood and gave his seat to my mom.

"I've got some errands to run. But I'll be back later. Rory, I'll call you later tonight," Jess said as he turned to leave. 

"You promise to call?" I asked sternly, insinuating that he better call or else. He didn't bother to turn around and simply continued walking. He reached the door and locked eyes with me.

"I promise," he said simply and walked out the door. I sighed contentedly, glad that I had run into him and that I would get to talk to him later. I turned my attention back to Luke and my mother who were already making eyes at each other. 

The three of us had colorful conversation over steaming cups of coffee for about a half-hour before Luke had to get back to work. With just my mom and I left, I figured I would finally fill her in on all the confusing feelings I'd been having. Once she finally tore her gaze from Luke and focused her full attention on me, we instantly jumped into deep conversation.

"So what's got you bugged, babe?" my mom asked, seeming to have read my mind. I shrugged, swishing my coffee a bit before sighing.

"I'm not so sure anymore. At first, it was the fact that something about Tristan changed. Like, every once in a while I'd catch him staring at me, a deep meaningful stare, like he was gazing straight into my soul or something like that. And for the past month or so, every time he looks at me his eyes seem, I don't know how to explain it, different somehow. He looks at me with so much more intensity than before. It's almost as if there's more there. I've always known his eyes to be the window to his soul, but now it's as if there is so much swirling around in those eyes that I can't figure out what it all means anymore. I just know that there's something really intense there, but I can't figure out what.

But now, it's not only just him that has changed, but I have. Something inside me clicked one day and now, when I look at him, I…I feel things. Scary things that I've never felt towards him before, let alone so strongly. Something is happening that is stirring up these new feelings that, well, are making me see him differently…feel for him differently. And I'm not sure if I should let myself feel these things, or fight them. Because, Tristan is my best friend, which complicates things. I don't really want to put our friendship on the line. And besides, why risk it all when I don't even know if the feelings are at all mutual?" My mother stared at me a moment with a thoughtful expression, seeming to let it all sink in. She took a few sips of her coffee and had begun to eye me curiously.

"Wouldn't you think that maybe the reason he has suddenly changed is because the feelings _are_ mutual?" I stared at her, coming to the realization that she might be right. But I instantly shrugged the thought away.

"It still doesn't matter, Mom. I'm not about to put what we have in jeopardy by talking to him about my feelings or asking him about his. It's too much of a risk and I'm not willing to take it." She instantly jumped in.

"So you're just going to let these feelings fester, trying to ignore them? Trust me Rory, it won't work. You can't deny what you feel. One day you're going to have to let these feelings be known, because they aren't going to just disappear." Again, her point made a lot of sense and my conscience instantly entered another state of intense confusion. 

"This is insane! I barely even understand my feelings. There's no way I can do anything about this until I've figured things out for myself, first. And then I'll think about whether or not I should approach him about this. Besides, there is always the possibility that this'll all blow over." I finished my point with a satisfied nod. My mom must have taken this as a final word because she stopped the conversation there and suggested that we should probably get some food and head back home.

*****

"I'm not moving. You get it." I turned to my mother, my eyes narrowed in determination.

"No, you get it. I'm already cozy under the blanket." My evil gaze had suddenly become mutual.

"And so am I. Plus, I've got the whole wrapped thing going; where the blanket is wrapped around my entire body, toes and all. There's no way I'm getting out of this, because that would require having to complete the entire process over again and, as you very well know, the second time is just never the same as the first. Now, you really wouldn't want to put your little mother through all of that now, would you?" 

"I think you forgot an 'old' in there," I stated irritably.

"What?" She looked entirely confused, just as I had hoped.

"I think you meant to say 'little _old_ mother'. Wow, that memory of yours is going already, huh?"

"Excuse me? Are you insinuating that I am old? Because you very well know I am twenty-nine," she stated firmly. 

"But that would mean you had me when you were eight years old…" I let my sentence trail off, and I cunningly smirked at her gaping expression. I knew I had beaten her with that one.

"Fine! You win! But don't be surprised if you find rat poison in your popcorn, you little vermin." She stood, not bothering to unwrap herself from the blanket, and went sliding down the hall towards the kitchen. 

"Don't burn it!" I yelled after her sarcastically. Just as I was turning back to the movie, I heard the front door open and close gently. Not a second later in walked Tristan, hastily shaking off his jacket and rustling the leaves from his blonde hair. 

"Man, it's getting windy out there," he commented, sitting beside me on the couch. 

"Yep, that's Connecticut for you," I replied nonchalant. I patted the blanket, motioning for him to join me under it. He hesitated.

"Naw, it looks like you and Lorelai have some mother-daughter bonding going on here. I wouldn't want to intrude." He stood to his feet but I grabbed his hand. An electric shock instantly went through me and I tried to ignore my pounding heart. Somehow, I was able to find my voice.

"No, stay." I said it simply, but I couldn't stop my eyes from begging. His eyes searched mine for a moment and then he sat right beside me, mere inches away. I could feel the heat radiating from his body and it warmed me all over. He slipped off his shoes and tucked himself under the covers. Unable to resist, I casually leaned against him, lying my head on his shoulder and staring forward. I was looking at the TV, but not actually seeing it. All my senses suddenly became numb to anything but him. His scent, his warmth, his everything. My world had become him in a matter of minutes.

Suddenly, after a couple minutes of staring mindlessly at the TV, his entire body stiffened. I looked up to him, following his gaze, and laid eyes on my mother who stood in the doorway staring shamelessly at us. I sat up instantly.

"What're you doing just standing there?" I asked, desperately trying to hide the flush creeping up my cheeks. She continued to stare, monotonously shoving popcorn in her mouth. 

"MOM!" I screeched and she immediately snapped out of her trance with a small jump.

"Oh, hi honey. Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just admiring the…beauty of it all. Carry on as you were," she said with a wave of her hand. I almost got up and smacked her right then and there. What was she thinking saying something like that! Tristan shifted his weight away from me, and I immediately could tell he was uncomfortable. He wasn't the only one either. I abruptly stood up from the couch and walked over to her. I grabbed her arm and dragged her into the kitchen.

"Mom, what in the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked angrily. She nonchalantly slipped some more popcorn into her mouth. Staring at her in utter amazement, I suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her violently. Popcorn went flying, but I didn't care in the least. 

"Okay, okay! Rory, STOP!" she exclaimed and I did as she asked. She set down the bowl, hastily brushing off the bits of popcorn off her T-shirt. Despite the mess she stood there, staring at me.

"What is wrong with you, Mom? You're acting so strange." I studied her for a moment; she seemed to be in a kind of daze. I waved a hand in front of her face and she instantly blinked.

"Mom? Are you drunk or something?" Smiling at me, she chuckled to herself and bent down to start picking up popcorn. I followed her precedent, watching her all the while.

"No, I'm not drunk. I'm just, in shock, I guess. That was such a wondrous moment, walking in on you two like that. It was like stepping back in time. It reminded me so much of Christopher and myself…" she said letting her voice trail off into a small, private smile. I fell back on my butt, so surprised by her statement, that I didn't know what to say. There was no way she could even begin to compare my relationship with Tristan to her relationship with Dad. The situations were too different.

"I think you are drunk. That's just about the craziest thing I've ever heard you say in regard to my relationship with Tristan." I began to pick up popcorn, thinking it over critically, and shaking my head all the while. There was just no comparison. Abruptly, the phone rang.

"Tristan! Could you get that!" my mom yelled loudly. I looked to her curiously.

"I could have gotten it," I said bluntly. 

"Actually, no you couldn't have. Just the other day I was in this exact same position, don't ask why, I just was, and the phone rang. So, when I jumped up to run for it I slipped and fell. I got back up, started running again and accidentally hit the corner of the table, thus knocking off my new dancing naked baby china figurine. I was forced to take a lunging leap and sacrifice my body to save it. By the time the baby was back in place, the answering machine had answered. But I'm kind of glad I never got there because it turned out to be my mother." Blinking at her as if she were out of her mind, I stood to my feet. 

"And what makes you think…" I had begun but she interrupted me.

"I don't think, Rory. I act. You know that." I was about to make a sarcastic comment when Tristan came into the room with the phone.

"It's for you," he said simply, handing the phone to me. I took it gladly, hoping that it was Jess.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone. 

"Hey Rory, its Jess." A smile immediately lit up my face.

"Hey Jess! You kept your promise this time." At the mention of Jess' name, I received a confused look from my mother and a sharp glance from Tristan.

"When have I ever broken a promise?" he questioned. It took me but a second to answer.

"When we graduated you promised me you'd call me sometime. You never did."

"I'm calling you now. That's calling sometime, so technically I haven't broken any promises." He bested me there. Tristan and my mom moved back into the family room to give me some privacy. I sat in one of the kitchen tables.

"Fine, you win this time," I commented sarcastically.

"Actually, Rory, I can't talk long. I promised Luke I'd open up for him every morning I'm in town in exchange for a free place to stay during my visit."

"Oh," I said shortly, kind of disappointed. I shrugged it off, not condoning myself to such a foolish feeling at the moment. "Well then, can we make plans to get together where we could talk?"

"Sure, got anything in mind?" I thought for a moment.

"How about, I give you my cell number and you call me when you have some free time. I'm going to be in town until Sunday morning, which is when I have to leave to get back because I have class on Monday morning. Tomorrow my day is full, it being Thanksgiving and all, but I can almost one hundred percent guarantee that for the rest of the weekend I will be free. Does that sound good?

"Yep, that sounds great. I'll talk to you later then, Rory."

"Yeah, talk to you later. Night, Jess."

"Night." He was the first to hang up, and I sat there for a moment before hanging up myself. _What an, interesting, conversation that had been_, I thought to myself. Noise from the family room brought my attention back to reality. I followed the noise to find Tristan and my mother silently watching the movie. Tristan immediately noticed me enter and I caught his eye for a moment. He seemed perturbed, and the fact that I could see it from ten feet away made me wonder what had happen while I was in the other room.

"Hey," he said, standing up and stretching out his limbs. "I was just about to hit the sack, I'm beat. Driving all the way here and then listening to my parents badger me wore me out." I nodded in understanding to the latter, sticking my tongue out at my mother. She merely smirked.

"Okay, be sure to set your alarm for early. We have a lot of arrangements to go through if we're going to make it to two dinners in Hartford and then have our traditional, and very unique, Thanksgiving celebration here at home; therefore, we'll need to get a move on pretty early." 

"Make that one dinner in Hartford. I made an agreement with my parents that since we already had dinner plans for Thanksgiving that we would have Christmas dinner with them again this year instead. Don't worry, my mother won't be saying anything to you like last year." Sighing, I nodded. I didn't want to spend another holiday with that wretched woman, but I realized I had no other choice.

"Alright, it's a date. Goodnight, Tristan." As I said this, I gazed straight into his swirling blues. He returned my gaze steadily.

"Night, Rory." He had begun to walk up the stairs.

"No late night visits to my baby's room, Mister!" my mom suddenly exclaimed. He chuckled lightly.

"Don't worry Lorelei, your daughter sleeps like a log anyway." With that he disappeared up the stairs. My mother instantly turned to me with an inquiring look.

"How does he know how you sleep, hmm?" Lazily dropping beside her onto the couch, I shook my head in disbelief. She seemed to be nitpicking everything in order to find an angle that would prove that Tristan and I had a thing between us. 

"Would you give it up already? You've already pushed it to the limit tonight. I shouldn't have ever mentioned any of this to you until I had full understanding of the situation myself." It had been a long day, and I wasn't up for any of this at the moment.

"It's also funny how you said, 'it's a date'…" she began but I cut her off irritably.

"Mom! Please, stop with this already!" She held up her hands in surrender. 

"Geesh, fine. No need to get your panties in a twist." At that remark I glared at her fiercely. A thought suddenly came to mind.

"Did you say something to him while I was on the phone?" She glanced at me before returning her eyes to the TV screen.

"Sort of," she replied. Instantly, I sat up.

"What do you mean, 'sort of'?" I was beginning to get nervous. 

"Well, when we came in here he looked kind of, upset. A little disturbed, I guess you could say. I asked him if everything was all right, and he said sure. We sat there for a couple minutes, watching TV. The entire time we could hear your voice in the background and I noticed, as the minutes passed his jaw line became more and more tense. So, I asked him if he was sure he was sure and he nodded his head yes. Then, out of nowhere I blurted out, 'Always follow your heart. That's what I did, that's what Rory is doing, and we're both happy as can be. So I hope you'll do the same.' And that was when you came into the room." Staring at her a moment I realized what she had actually done by saying that to him.

"Mom! What were you thinking, telling him something like that? You're dropping hints now! He's not stupid you know, he knows your ways and he knows that whenever you give advice it must have some significant purpose. I can't believe you! You practically told him!" I was getting so angry I had to clench my jaw to keep from screaming in frustration. I loved my mother to death, but sometimes she just didn't know when to quit. _Stubborn old fool_, I thought.

"Well, _sorry_. That's not what I was doing and you know it. I was just, being polite to my guest, that's all." I stood and threw my hands up in frustration.

"I need some rest, tomorrow's going to be a long, long day." I began to walk towards my room.

"Indeed," was my mother's reply as she stood and walked up to me. "Goodnight, Rory. Love you." 

"Love you too." We hugged, and I went to my room. I gently closed the door, and gazed about my surroundings. My old room. Observing my Harvard wall, I smiled to myself. I had achieved my dream of making it to Harvard. And now, it was already my senior year. It had all gone by so fast that it was almost a blur to me. 

That first day I stepped onto campus, completely alone and without my security blanket, my mother. That first class, how exciting it had been to receive my first assignment. That first time I had run into Tristan. 

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't at a party or in a class, but at the library. I saw him making his way down the aisles and aisles of books, completely lost in thought. I came up behind him, gently tapping him on the shoulder. He turned, we locked eyes, and I knew. We clicked right then and there, and from that day forth it was Tristan and Rory, Rory and Tristan. I was glad I had found him that day, because my life would have ended up entirely different if I hadn't, and I was more than satisfied with how my life had turned out. Of late, I hadn't been entirely sure where my life would lead, but I knew that no matter what, it would include Tristan. I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Turning away from the wall, and from my memories, I sat on my bed. Scolding myself for thinking too much the past couple of weeks, I made amends to make this short vacation all that it could be, and as trouble-free as possible. Tristan deserved to get away from the Harvard Rory and get a taste of the Stars Hollow, average hometown girl Rory. And hometown Rory never ever got so troubled with her thoughts. So it was settled, this weekend was to run smoothly and as peacefully as possible, despite my mother's attempts to make it chaotic.


End file.
